I know of people who avoid church on the day this Gospel lesson is read. And I get that. I doubt there is anyone here who has not been touched by divorce in some way. I myself am the daughter of divorced parents; I have a sibling, stepsiblings, and cousins who have been divorced. And having to hear a sermon, or even a scripture, about being an adulterer because you are divorced is hardly a way to learn that God loves you.
But you came [or tuned in] today – maybe you just didn’t know what was coming – so I hope you haven’t already tuned out. I am sorry for whatever pain divorce has caused in your life, even if it was the necessary and right thing to happen. Because sometimes it is. Regardless, at some level, there is always pain in divorce. No one says on their wedding day, “Boy, I hope I get divorced someday.” Endings are hard. This passage has been used at times to constrain marriage to heterosexual couples, to judge people whose marriages have ended, and to pressure people to stay in abusive relationships. But this passage isn’t about those things. It is actually about compassion.
The very first words in the text: “Some Pharisees came, and to test Jesus they asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’” The Pharisees are not looking out for anyone’s well-being; they are trying once again to trip Jesus up. Jesus does what he often does. First he refers them back to Torah, and then he shows that the bar for how we treat one another has been raised. He does this over and over in the Gospels. The law of Moses instructs us to forgive; Jesus calls us to forgive 70 times seven times (Matt 18:21-22). The Old Testament defines justice as reciprocity – an eye for an eye – but Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek instead (Matt 5:38-40). The 10 Commandments instruct us not to murder, but Jesus says unrighteous anger is just as bad (Matt 5:21-26). Here, with regard to divorce, Moses offers a certificate solution; Jesus says just don’t do it.
In fact, any law of Moses has to be followed or expanded in the context of the new commandments to love God with all of our being and to love one another as Jesus loves us. And so we look at divorce, but let’s look at it in the way it would have been seen in the first century. Marriages were usually arranged by the parents of the couple, partly because of the couple’s young age and partly because of the large sums of money and goods that changed hands. Total fidelity was demanded of the wife in marriage. If she was caught with another man, both could be put to death. But note the husband was not so tightly bound: if he had an affair with a single woman, that was not adultery. Divorce would be another possibility if a wife was accused of adultery, especially where the evidence was not clear cut. In this case the woman would forfeit her dowry. False accusations were not unknown, where men wanted the goods but had no interest in the woman, who would likely return in disgrace to her parental home. Women had no means of initiating a divorce, regardless of the husband’s behavior.
So it is in this context that we see what Jesus does. Where the Pharisees are challenging Jesus’ knowledge and interpretation of the Law, Jesus turns the conversation towards God and towards God’s nature of gathering humanity into communities. We, of course, often, do the opposite. The new Creation which Jesus initiates is not brand new, but a return to the original creation of God’s world. Divorce is an example of our turning away rather than gathering, but the ending of a marriage is only one example of a wider problem. Jesus calls himself the bridegroom, and our sin, our turning away, is a form of divorce.
Throughout Jesus’ ministry he preaches and teaches and models the message that we are meant to be reconcilers, healers, and gatherers. Not only of those within our own tribes, but of neighbors, strangers, enemies. Of everyone, in all the nations of the world. Never does he say instead that we are to build walls, or separate ourselves, or connect only to those we look like or agree with.
Bishop Doyle writes, “God is drawing people who are different together and Jesus is clear that we are the ones who defile these relationships. We defile marriage relationships and we defile communal relationships. We do this by turning away from the "other." We are drawn away from the "other" into relationships that boost our power, our voice, and our authority. We engage in relationships that diminish the "other" with whom we are bound.” i
That is the real pain from divorce, as it is with so many of our relationships. Not the divorce itself – that is simply the grave marker when a marriage has died – but our behavior. We act in ways that push us further apart from our spouses, but also from others that we love and from others with whom we vehemently disagree.
How many times have we heard about the increasing divisions and demonizing in our culture? How toxic levels of conflict seem to arise around any topic where not everyone gets their own way? We talk about the decline of civil engagement, endlessly, but that isn’t the only division in our public lives. Division is also about people who steal from another for their own gain, kill another out of spite or revenge, and enslave another for profit. Sure, that’s those other people, those criminal types, but we all play a role in increasing divisions.
We bully one another in hopes of making ourselves look better. We stop speaking to each other over petty or even major disputes rather than opening ourselves to staying in relationship. We stop listening to one another in conversations because we are too busy planning ahead what we will say. We move into increasingly segregated and gated communities to achieve an illusion of safety or exclusivity. We stereotype, painting whole groups of people with a broad brush, instead of recognizing that no group is monolithic and celebrating our differences by engaging with individuals. We stay inside our churches and engage in ministries that benefit ourselves first, instead of going out to see the other places God is already at work and joining in. We don’t prioritize getting to know our neighbors and their needs.
It is no accident – it is never an accident – what follows next in Mark’s Gospel. It is a concrete example of what Jesus is saying. We sometimes hear that text and think it is meant to show us how a gentle Jesus tends the sweet little child, but that idea softens the radical nature of what Jesus is actually saying. Our modern understanding can confuse us, because the translation seems to indicate Jesus switching the subject somewhat abruptly away from divorce to focus on children. But we are thinking of children as we know them, members of the family even before they are born. Remember, though, that things were different back in the first century, when children ranked lower than that of women. For Mark’s listeners, children would have been regarded as non-persons, or at least not-yet-persons, possessions of the patriarch of the household. As Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry writes in his article, “How Christianity Invented Children,” “High infant mortality rates created a cultural pressure to not develop emotional attachments to children. This cultural pressure was exacerbated by the fact that women were more likely to develop emotional attachments to children — which, according to the worldview of the day, meant it had to be a sign of weakness and vulgarity.” ii Children didn’t contribute much to the family’s economy, couldn’t offer honor or respect in the way someone of higher status could, and couldn’t increase a family’s prestige. So they were ignored, abandoned, exploited, enslaved, and abused.
Gobry continues, “Christianity's invention of children — that is, its invention of the cultural idea of children as treasured human beings — was really an outgrowth of its most stupendous and revolutionary idea: the radical equality, and the infinite value, of every single human being as a beloved child of God. If the God who made heaven and Earth chose to reveal himself, not as an emperor, but as a slave punished on the cross, then no one could claim higher dignity than anyone else on the basis of earthly status.” iii
Jesus is making what would have been an unbelievable statement that children are just as beloved to God as everyone else is, and thus should be just as beloved to us. Women, children, all those who are overlooked and abused and exploited and treated as less than human are welcome in God’s Kingdom and should be welcome in our kingdoms, as large as our nations and as small as our hearts.
Children are not born prejudiced; it is something they learn. Before they internalize the messages, conscious or not, of hierarchy and exclusion between those who are different, such divisions are meaningless. They see and point out differences – most of us have had or seen the experience of a child asking an awkward question at full volume in a public place – but it is in innocent curiosity, not hatred. Like children, we are meant to revel in diversity within God’s greater unity that is the Kingdom of God. We enter God’s Kingdom by building relationships, by joining our lives to one another across difference, overcoming scorn, anger, and hatred.
Jesus prayed for his disciples that we might all be one, as he and the Father are one. We are called, then, to explore what “unity in Christ” means, and how we can be people of faith in the midst of a divided and demonizing culture. How can we bring water to the fire instead of gasoline? How does “agreeing to disagree” affect our ability to proclaim the gospel, heal, and reconcile? How can we call on the teachings of Jesus to model risky, compelling, and deep conversations that do not end in division? I don’t have ready answers to those questions, but it is necessary that we ask them.
Faith insists we do that. “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” What Jesus says here also completes our rite of marriage. If those whom God has joined together are the whole of Creation, let us not only avoid putting them asunder, but actively knit them back together. Let us be faithful citizens in the reign of God. AMEN.
i C. Andrew Doyle, “Some Thoughts on Mark 10:2-16,” Hitchhiking the Word, Saturday, July 24, 2021, https://hitchhikingthebible.blogspot.com/2012/10/proper-22bordinary-27bpentecost-19.html, accessed September 28, 2021. ii Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry, “How Christianity Invented Children,” The Week, April 23, 2015. https://theweek.com/articles/551027/how-christianity-invented-children, accessed September 29, 2021.
